


In The Night.

by IanxMilkovich



Category: Joeli - Fandom
Genre: Drunk Sex, Drunkenness, Friends to Lovers, I'm horrible at tagging, Joeli, Jóli - Freeform, M/M, Sex, Smut, Top!oli, bottom!Joe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-14
Updated: 2016-03-03
Packaged: 2018-05-13 22:24:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5719231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IanxMilkovich/pseuds/IanxMilkovich
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joe wishes he could get out of this trap.The one where he felt anxious being alone and got out of hand easily. Good thing Oli was always there to help him out of the messes he had a habit of making lately. Caspar and Josh helped too. But Oli...Joe couldn't be more thankful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Joe finds himself feeling alone more often not. Even when he's sitting in the living room with Caspar, his feet propped up on the table and Josh beside him, yelling about how Caspar is cheating. Joe just sat in their big reclining chair, staring at Oli, watching him type away on his phone, admiring how he can just settle into everything. Joe has never felt that, is the thing. He always felt....different. They could fall into their own minds. Joe was never a fan of that. His mind always fell back into old lingering thoughts, he always pushed away. Joe likes keeping busy. But recently everyone always seemed to be texting, playing video games or watching movies. Joe wanted an adventure. Maybe a Lad's holiday. 

 

*

 

August came quicker than Joe had expected. Many past nights being spent out drinking, getting sloppy drunk and stumbling home with Caspar's arms slung around his  tiny shoulders. He doesn't really know what he's doing anymore. He sits alone in his room more often now. He's hiding but he's not really sure what from. He runs his hands through his greasy hair for the millionth time this past hour, mentally planning to get a haircut before they leave the following Sunday.

He clicks away, editing his video, snickering at the way Caspar is being so much nicer in his video. He's been so much more brotherly this past month. Joe knows Caspar has noticed his sudden change in character when they're out drinking. He's just a lot more lonely...and sad. That's the thing. And Caspar's there for him in the only way he can be. Caspar and Joe are close, don't get me wrong. They would take on a million bullets for one another. They love each other for Christ's sake. But this is not how Joe and Caspar are. They don't talk about feeling's. They have the male understanding of, "If I want to talk about it, I will." And they go by that unspoken rule. And Joe appreciates it...most days. Sometimes he just needs someone to be around, without being asked, and having to lie by saying he's just bored.

 

*

 

Joe, Caspar, Oli, and Josh all sat in the cue, waiting to board their plane. Caspar sat on the end, with his hood up, ear buds in, arm around the back of Josh's seat and his leg jittering like crazy. Joe was on the last seat of the end, next to Oli. He fell behind everyone all morning. He was the last one getting up, the last one to shower, the last one to pack, and the last one out the door. Everyone sat in the car waiting, and the driver sighed after the first ten minutes. Joe blubbered his sincere apologies. He had a hard night last night and a late one at that. Caspar had to literally drag him from the club, after throwing drinks, puking in the middle of the floor and then cussing the bartender out after having to cutting him off. Caspar isn't very happy with him this morning to say the least. He's not to sure about Josh either. He hasn't talked much to anyone yet, other than Oli gently waking him up this morning, taking pity on him after Caspar gave up. He could blame it on the fact that it's nearly 6am, but he knows better than that. At least no one is yelling at him anymore. Even though he knows they have every right. He's just glad Oli lets him sink into his side. He can always count on him for a shoulder. 

 

*

 

The first night of the trip is weird. Everyone, minus Joe, sat in their main room waiting for someone to speak up about the elephant in the room, and that elephant's name is Joe Sugg. Caspar, Oli and Josh wondered what they should do. They all knew Joe has really gotten out of hand. But who was going to be the one to talk to him? Who knew how it was going to go? As Caspar stood up from the main room in their two bedroom cabin to go talk to Joe, he stepped out of his and Oli's room and sat down next to Oli on the sofa.

"Alright boys, I just wanted to let you know, I'm not going out tonight. I've taken it to far, I know." Joe put his hands up defensively. "I'm really sorry about last night, Caspar"

Joe stared at the ground ashamed. Caspar smiled at him, proud of him for finally owning up to the problem.

"Buddyyyyy" Caspar crossed the room plunging onto him, hugging him tightly. Oli mock-awing at them and jumping in on the hug, resting his hand on the back Joe's neck.

And it's soft, and Joe barely thinks about it.

 

*

 

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay back with you buddy?" Oli asked sincerely 

 He watched Joe unpack all his things into their shared closet, taking up the whole right side. The kid has a lot of t-shirts and they're going be here for two weeks, so he  thought he may as well make himself at home.

"Nah, 'ss alright. I've got a lot of editing to do anyway. Thanks anyway, buddy." Joe said placing his extra belts on the dresser.

"Alright then, I'll see you later. Don't stay up to late, We've got massages in the morning" Oli pushed himself off the door frame and walked out.

"Alright mate, don't get to drunk! Don't want you coming in tonight thinking I'm some bird! 'ave fun!" Joe yelled, mentally hitting himself in the head. _Thinking I'm some bird._ Bloody hell, who think's of that? He's going to think Joe is mental.

 

*

 

It's nearly 4am when Joe wakes up to the sound of the three other boys stumbling into the cabin. He hears the loud roars of drunken laughter and he sighs. He wishes he could've gone out. He hears loud shushing and Josh laughing at the shusher.

"Oliiiiii, why are you shushing me? No one else is anywhere near our cabin." Josh chuckles.

"Joe is bloody sleeping in the other room, mate!" Oli yells, smacking Josh upside the head and then laughs.

"Sorry Joe!" Josh laugh-yells.

Joe rolls over in bed, waiting for Oli to come in and annoy him by trying to get comfortable, so Joe can finally fall back asleep. But he never does and Joe wonders what the bloody hell he's doing. So he gets up, and slugs himself into the main room to see Caspar passed out with head on Josh's lap and Oli with his arm slugged over Josh. They're having a massive cuddle while watching some film, and Joe oddly wants to be apart of it.

"Boys?" Joe pouts after no one noticing his sudden appearance.

"Budddyyyyyy" Oli calls.

"Matttteeeeeeee" Josh slurs "Get over here" and he pats Oli's lap.

"C'mon buddy" Oli pats his own chest with his free hand.

"I'll be back in a minute you drunk rodneys" Joe goes back into his room to fetch his blanket.

When Joe comes back Caspar is gone, and occupying the bathroom. His guess would be puking. So he settles down next to Oli and He rests his head on his shoulder as Josh and Oli take bets on who will be the first to bail on their massages in the morning. 

"Caspar" They mutually agree.

Joe just hummed his agreement, to tired to actually talk. Why was he out here anyway?

"I say Oli" Caspar yelled from the bathroom.

"Heyyyyy"

They all laughed.

 

*

 

When Joe wakes up in the morning, Oli has got his arm curled around Joe, blocking him from falling off the couch. Oli's head resting against the arm rest, and Joe's head resting against Oli's chest. Joe's barely aware of it, but his instinct immediately said _Get the fuck out of here_. So he did, slowly. So he wouldn't wake anyone of course. And a soon as Joe's stood and Oli has barely stirred, he snuck himself right back into the bed to nap way past his massage appointment. Joe thought maybe he liked the comfort Oli offered him but he didn't want anyone getting the wrong idea. _Bloody weird, that was._

 

*

 

Joe feels like they've settled into this routine that seems to work for everyone else but him. Three days later and he's tired of everyone going out without him and then coming back at 3am in the morning only to wake him up. He's bored, is the thing. He can't be mad at any of them for doing what he would be doing normally. He just hates being alone. So he's decided to go out tonight.

 

"I promise I won't be destructive." Joe announced "And I won't drink as much, promise boys." Joe said raising his hands.

Caspar hollered, and jumped onto Joe hugging him.

"Tonight's gonna be so fun guys" Caspar jokingly squealed.

"Let's get some food before we drink ourselves into a coma." Oli suggests.

Everyone hummed in agreement, becoming more aware of their hunger.

 

*

 

_The scars of your love remind me of us  
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all_

Adele rumbles through the small local pub. Caspar and Oli scream the lyrics, arms around the others' shoulder, pints in their hands. Joe and Josh are leaning over the bar waiting to order drinks, chatting and glancing around looking for a pretty bird to chat up and maybe take back to their Cabin. 

"Can I get a jägerbomb, mate?" Joe requests.

"I'll take one too" Josh adds.

As they get their drinks and return back to Caspar and Oli, the pub starts getting fuller and the music starts getting better. Joe settling back into a sofa and watches Josh and Oli play a game of pool, while Caspar chats up a pretty brunette with a nice cheery smile. 

It's nearly 1am when Joe realizes how drunk he is. He's not out of control, he's reached his limit though. He can tell by the way he's pissing all over the toilet and floor in the stall. He's trying, but his head is dizzy and heavy and everything around him seems to be moving without him. He stumbles out of the stall and stops when someone offers him a hit of their weed.

"Yea' mate" and he takes a hit of it, coughing hard after blowing a huge cloud of smoke from his lungs.

The man doesn't say much he just falls back into the wall watching non existing objects. He must've been smoking that joint all to himself. Joe thanks him and heads back to the bar to take one last shot with Caspar. The bar is completely packed now and he couldn't spot Oli or Josh now just by glancing around the room. He takes the tequila shot Caspar ordered him and lets in burn down his throat. Caspar slams his shot glass down after taking his and throws an arm around Joe.

"I'm so glad you came out tonight, Joeee" Caspar squeezes him tightly, smiling into his shoulder.

"Me too, buddy." Joe squeezes him back. "And I've restrained myself from sloppy Joe. R' you proud of me?"

"I'm so proud of you, buddy!" Caspar yells over the loud music. "I love you! You're the best roommate anyone could ask for!" Caspar kisses the side of his head and turns around in time to catch Oli and Josh stumbling over to them laughing so loud, you could almost hear them over the music throughout the bar.

"Josh is absolutely trashed" Oli laughs holding him up.

"No I'm not Oli!" Joshs yells, almost falling from Oli's grip.

"You bloody idiot! Am I going to have to play mom tonight?" Joe jokes.

"He's had like-" Oli counts on his fingers, "about ten shots and three drinks. He's bloody wasted" Oli laughs.

Joe can tell he's blimming wasted as well.

"I'll take care of him!" Caspar yells over everyone. "Let's get him some water!"

"Jesus, let's go home before you shits embarrass yourselves." Joe yells.

 

 

*

 

Josh has been puking for the past hour now and everyone is exhausted. Joe is playing mom and sitting with him, keeping an eye on him. He promised a very drunk Caspar that he would take care of Josh so Caspar could sleep off his drunkenness. So there he is sat on the edge of the tub, waiting for Josh to finally sober up. 

"You need anything?" Oli asks appearing in the door.

"Can you bring me a wat'ah please?" Josh begs.

"Yeah." Oli promises. "Joe?"

"Nah, m' alright thanks" Joe's voice is raspy and you can hear how worn out he is.

Oli fetches Josh his water and brings it in, leaning against the door frame.

"I can take over if you want"

"s' alright. I kinda owe Caspar anyway. Thanks though, buddy." Joe's eyes are barley open now.

"Alright then. I'm gonna sit with you until Josh is done puking his bloody guts out then." Oli slides down the door frame and leans against it.

"Thanks mate." Joe offers a weak smile. 

Oli is a great friend. That's something Joe learned very quickly after befriending him. He's just warm and safe. He's that friend that comes with a great amount of ease. The one you settle down next to after a long day, and pulls you into his side to calm down the sadness. He brings laughs and chases away the nerves. He's the friend that loves you even when he wants to kill you. Joe appreciates that more than he actually shows. 

 

*

 

Joe can tell it's the early hours of the morning when him and Oli finally tuck Josh into bed. It's been a long long night and Joe doesn't think he can promise anything ever again. But he's finally off to bed. 

"Thanks a lot for staying up with me, Oli. I couldn't have done it without you keeping me awake." Joe sighs as he relaxes in bed.

"s' alright buddy." Oli pats Joe's back and squeezes his tense shoulder muscle.

"ahhhhhh my god." Joe groans. "Will you rub my back, Oli?" 

"Joeeeeee."

"Pleaseeeee. I'll pay you back tomorrow. sitting like that on the blimming tub broke me back"

Oli sighed and started kneading at Joe's back. Joe immediately relaxed into the touch. But his hard kneads slowly turned into lightly scratching his back and he could hear Joe breathing heavier. Oli never noticed how small Joe truly was. He looked so tiny and fragile next to him.  And Oli wanted to massage the pain right out of him. but It didn't take long for Joe to pass out. And Oli thanks whatever god exist so he could finally fall asleep too. and then he's out, with Joe snoring lightly beside him.

 

*

 

The next couple days are a bit weird. Joe seems to be distancing himself from everyone again. Which is exactly what the point of this trip was to _not_ do that anymore. To escape whatever weird funk he was in back home, he only seemed to bring it with him. He sat out in the backyard on one of those sun chairs. He was just listening to the sound of the wind rustling the trees, and the distant sound of a few birds chirping. The rest of the boys haven't woken up yet and It felt nice being alone. He needed a recharge. 

But he needed to wake them up some point. It was nearly 4pm and he needed to get some food in his tummy. And he knew all three hungover boys wouldn't be very happy if he went without them.

 

"Caspar" Joe shook him gently. "Casparrrrrrr"

Nothing but a quiet mumble.

"Casparrrr, c'mon mate. I wanna get food." Joe was just plain whining now.

Caspar just moaned again and Joe patted his back.

"What time is it?" Caspar's voice was deep and dry.

"Nearly 4:30 mate." 

Caspar just groaned.

"You want me to bring you a water?" Joe offered.

"Please." Caspar remained still.

"Me too." Josh's muffed next to Caspar.

Joe sighed and grabbed them waters. He figured Oli needed to get up as well but thought maybe he'd shower first. 

 

*

 

 

When Joe got out of the shower Oli was already awake, showered, and dressed. And everyone was ready to go out and get some food. That must be record time. Joe just laughed to himself. And they were off.

There was a diner not far from their Cabin. Cute little thing. "Karen's House" it was called. Very friendly and small, it felt cozy and homelike. They all squeezed into a small booth in the back corner. Joe sunk down in his seat next to Caspar and scanned though the menu until he found something savory.

"Last night was freaking crazy!" Josh giggled shaking his head in thought.

"Yeah, man. Oli took shots from some guy's mouth!" Caspar yelled excitedly, looking embarrassed after realizing how loud he was.

"What!" Josh and Joe both yelled in shock, gaping at Oli.

"You bloody dared me! And you did it too, Caspar!" Oli yelled, feeling slightly embarrassed.

Caspar just shrugged.

No one seemed that surprised with Caspar. I mean It's bloody Caspar. But Oli, He doesn't do things like that. Caspar does things ironically, but Oli....well he does things...not ironically. Why the bloody hell would he take a shot from another blokes _mouth_. Joe just sat back with his shock and tried to forget it. Hoping the conversation would change. He still doesn't understand why these subjects make him uncomfortable.

 

*

 

It was another night in a different pub and Joe was absolutely plastered. And everyone in the bar knew it. He was _that guy_. Yelling at everyone, being absolutely reckless of everything. And everyone, and that's including Caspar. He was trying to calm Joe down, who was completely past the point of no return. Caspar wanted to fucking kill him at this point.

"Joe, Calm down." Caspar tried desperately to meet his eyes.

"Nah, mate! I'm having a good time!" Joe yelled, while purposefully knocking a glass onto the floor.

"Joe! We have to go home before someone finds out you're the one breaking all this shit." Caspar tries pulling his arm.

"Fuck off!" Joe pushes Caspar, causing him to fall into a table, and knocking over a few drinks, and breaking a couple glasses. And people stared.

"What the fuck, Joe!" Caspar yelled.

And Caspar throws a punch, nailing Joe right in the nose, causing him to stumble back into someone who pushes him away. Caspar is drunk too, and man is he going to be so upset with himself in the morning. Joe cups his nose as it starts to bleed and glares at Caspar in anger.

"Hey, you two! Get the fuck outta my bar!" Some tall bulky man yells from behind the bar.

Neither of them move, just breathing heavy with anger.

 "Before I call the police. C'mon, out!" He shooed them toward the door.

"C'mon" Josh and Oli both say grabbing Caspar and Joe and yanking them away to leave.

The cold night air hits them like a brick wall and Joe's eyes water. 

"I'm calling a cab." Josh announces.

"I think you should walk." Caspar says pointedly at Joe. "maybe sober up before I kill you when we get back."

Joe doesn't say anything. He thinks maybe he's already sobered up. He feels more awake and aware than ever. 

"Yeah." Joe looked down at his bloody sleeve and wipes his nose again, shooting Caspar an evil glare.

Joe just goes to lean against the wall of the pub to hopefully sober up a little more. 

"I'll walk with you, mate." And then Oli slides down next to him. "You can't walk alone in the dark."

 

 

*

 

Fifteen minutes later and Caspar and Josh's cab pick them up. Joe is just leaning his head back against the cold brick, just hoping he doesn't wake up tomorrow.

 

"What's going on, buddy?" Oli asks sincerely.

"What d'ya mean?" Joe sounds half asleep.

"You're out of bloody control, mate. Is something going on?"

"Nah, mate. M' alright." Joe lies, squeezing Oli's knee in thanks, as he stands up, not giving him a chance to continue his prying.

"We better start walking before we get picked up and murdered." Joe jokes. "C'mon then." Joe turned to offer him a hand up.

"Nah, mate. If you don't wanna talk that's fine. But at least don't lie to me." Oli pulled himself up, dug his hands into his pocket and started walking.

"Lie to you about what?" Joe said, feeling offended.

"You're not alright. You've been staying in the whole trip, besides when we go out to the pub. and then you get bloody wasted and act like a jackass."

Joe just stayed quiet. He walked along side Oli. The silence grew and Joe wanted the earth to swallow him up.

"Right. Figures." Oli huffed.

"What Oli? What do you want me to say? I'm not happy? What's it going to solve if I say it out loud?" Joe yelled in an outburst of anger.

Oli scrunched his eyebrows in a sad thought. "You're not bloody happy? What are you unhappy about? You have everything."

"I know." is all Joe can say. 

The truth is he doesn't know why he's unhappy himself. He has everything. He has the best family he could ever ask for. He has great, loving friends. He has the greatest roommate to ever exist, which he'll be lucky to have in the morning, if Caspar forgives him. But the sadness sits heavily with him. He doesn't get it. It's like something is missing. Something doesn't feel right but he just can't figure it out....or he just doesn't want to, in fear that everything would fall apart. Joe doesn't really know but he knows he should figure it out soon before he hurts everyone else around him.

"Well, You've got me, mate. And I'm not going anywhere. So whenever you want, I'm hear to talk." Oli tells him as he slings his heavy arm around Joe's shoulders.

"Thanks, Oli." and Joe slings his arm around Oli's waist. 

"Ya know, This is pretty deep for me right now. I'm still bloody wasted." Oli laughs.

"Me too and my nose is flipping killing me." Joe cradles his nose.

"Well, let's get back so you can clean up and get some advil in ya, buddy." Oli pulls him tighter, hugging him as they walk. Joe leans into him and doesn't think much of it. He doesn't. Really.

 

*

 

The morning after, and Joe feels like absolute shit. He couldn't describe the pain if he wanted to. His head was throbbing, nose swollen, body cold and he was short of breath. He thinks he might've gotten a cold from walking back in the cold last night. He thinks he probably deserved it though. He knows he was being an absolute git. He wished he wasn't in this horrible mess. He also wished he didn't feel like absolute shit, so he could apologize to Caspar. And then he heard the door creek.

"Joe?" It was Josh.

"Yeah?" Joe croaked out.

"We're going out to get some food if you want to come?" Josh asked, sounding empathetic.

"s' alright. Thanks Josh."

"Yep. Need anything before we go?" He asked.

"Nah m'alright."

"Alright. We'll be back inna a bit." 

"Josh."

"Yeah?" 

"I'm sorry about last night."

"It's alright, mate. Just worried about you. I'll bring you back some food."

"Thank you." Joe has never felt so thankful. "Will you tell Caspar to come here when you boys get back?"

"Yeah. I'll see you in a bit." and then Josh is gone.

 

 

*

 

 

Joe is asleep when Caspar steps into his and Oli's room. And he takes one look at Joe and feels all sorts of sorry. He looked miserable. They're were bloody/snotty tissues all over the floor where Joe had missed the trash can. You could see the beads of sweat where he was sweating, even though he was covered with a blanket and shivering. His nose was a dark shade of purple and swollen. He had tear stains on his cheek and his eyebrows were scrunched together in distress. Caspar has never seen Joe look so small and weak. And now he feels like the biggest asshole to ever exist. He didn't mean to treat Joe so horribly last night. His anger just got the best of him, is all. And now he just wanted to take Joe under his wing and bring him back to health.

"Caspar?" Joe said weakly

"I'm so sorry, Joe." Caspar sat down on the bed next to Joe.

"Sorry. What are _you_ sorry for? I was the bloody arse." Joe rolls over to look at Caspar.

"Your nose. and for making you walk home and getting you sick, and not asking you to come get food with us this morning....for not being a good friend." Caspar added.

"You're a great friend Caspar. I'm just being a prick."

"I know somethings wrong, Joe. You've been acting like this for months." Caspar said, sounding sad.

"Caspar, nothings wrong. Will you and Oli please stop sounding like naggy girlfriends?" Joe laughed, shoving a pillow over his wet face.

"I love you, ya know." Caspar says.

"Jesus Christ, you sound like I'm bloody dying." Joe exasperates. 

"I just care about you. I hope you know you can talk to me, buddy." Caspar rubs Joe's side.

"Yeah, yeah. I love you too, you bloody gush. Now get your stinky hands off me!" Joe says.

Caspar laughs and jumps on top of him, hugging him tightly.

 

 

*

 

Joe feels better the next day after Caspar and Oli nurse him back to health. Josh helped too, but Josh isn't much of a nurturer. He was more of the guy who stood from afar and hoped you were getting better. Joe appreciated it though. It already felt like everyone was babying him. He didn't need another person checking in on him every 10 minutes. But he's better now. He's just been sat around watching movies all day while everyone else is out having their massages, the ones they've canceled nearly a dozen times. Joe couldn't care less. He's just happy to be out of bed and be able to eat solid food again.

 

*

 

"I think we should stay in and have a movie night." Josh suggests. probably more for Joe's sake than anything.

"Yeah! We can order pizza and have a big lad cuddle!" Caspar yells exaggeratedly. 

"Actually sounds nice." Oli nods along.

"You guys don't have to hang back for me. I'm not lying in my death bed anymore." Joe says smugly.

"Don't flatter yourself mate. We didn't invite you anyway." Oli teases.

"Alright, Oli." Joe laughs. " I guess I'll just fuck off then."

"Nah, man. C'mon. Let's pick a film." Oli laughs and sits on the floor looking through the movie selection.

They decided on a horror film, called 'The Conjuring'. Which probably wasn't a good choice considering Caspar and Oli were absolute chicken shits. Thirty minutes into the movie and Caspar is tugging Josh onto his lap trying to cover himself from the Tv. Joe can't help but laugh. It's a bloody scary movie but he wasn't about to let everyone know what a scaredy-cat he was. So Caspar calls him over, knowing Joe is scared all alone on the end of the couch.

"C'mon. I need more protection" Caspar jokes.

"I'm not bloody coming over there so you can squeeze my arm off." Joe runs his hand through his thick hair.

"Joeeeeeeeee." Caspar whines.

"For Christ's sake." Joe grabs his small throw blanket and stops above them. "Where the bloody hell am I going to sit then?"

"Between me n' Oli" And Caspar pats the small space between them.

And Joe settles in the small space, propping his legs up on the coffee table, and unconsciously relaxing into Oli's side. Caspar has got Josh's head settled into his lap while playing with his hair. And they just continue watching the movie. Joe wonders if this is normal. He wonders what exactly is 'crossing the line'. He's not really sure there even is one anymore. 

 

*

 

He wakes up at the ending credits and Josh is already on the floor in front of the Tv, reading out titles to the other choice of movies. He only the realizes Oli has an arm wrapped around his shoulders and his head is resting in the crook of his neck.  _Is this normal?_ Joe stirs and wipes at his eyes while leaning away from Oli and stretching. He glaces back at Oli, who looks displeased, and asks how long he's been asleep.

"About 20 minutes." Oli answers 

Joe just nods and looks back to Josh who seems to be putting in the movie now. Joe just leans back into Oli's arms feeling weird and and very aware of Oli's body. They choose a comedy this time. Something no one has ever heard of. Joe hopes its bloody good. He needs something to focus on right about now. And just as he thinks that, Oli has a hand in his hair, lightly scratching at his scalp. And as weird as it makes Joe feel, It feels bloody good. He runs his nails lightly over the back of Joe's neck, and Joe can feel the goosebumps break out all over his back and arms. And that's when Oli tugs lightly on his hair, and Joe lets out a soft hum. And that earns him looks from both Caspar and Josh, who's still in Caspar's lap. Joe just nervously laughs and glances back to the Tv pretending this is normal and everyone is this _friendly_.

Joe waits a good ten minutes before he stands up and announces he's sleepy and he's going to bed. Everyone hums goodnight, and Joe tucks himself quietly into his room and falls right into bed.

 

*

 

The next night is the night everything seems to completely fall apart. They decided to stay in the cabin tonight and have a party among the four of them. It was all fun in the beginning when they were playing beer pong and bullshiting together. Joe could feel it. He could feel the alcohol rushing through him. But he was weirdly calm tonight. His just swayed along with where his body took him, Dancing along to the music and laughing when Caspar would fall, trying to dance along side him. It seemed like the perfect night. That was until about 3am after Josh had fallen asleep on the couch and Caspar had passed out on the floor next to him, Leaving Joe and Oli completely drunk and alone. Which would be fine normally but tonight Oli seemed to be hanging close by Joe, as if keeping an eye on him, making sure he was okay. And Joe didn't notice until Oli decided to stay up with him and hang outside alongside the pool.

"You're an absolute tosser, ya know that?" Oli slurred, eyed heavy trying to focus on Joe's eyes.

"Me? What the bloody hell did I do?" Joe stares at him.

"Don't know. Jus' won't talk t' me" 

"Talk to you? Mate, what the bloody hell am I doing right now?" Joe laughs at him, leaning back on his elbow.

The silence grew and Joe sank himself into thought.

"I'm not always happy either ya know." Oli admits.

He has Joe's full attention now, Joe's eyes taking in Oli's neutral expression.

"It all gets to be to much sometimes. I don't know how you and Caspar do it."

"Yeah." Is all Joe says, but he squeezes Oli's arm in comfort.

"I just wish we'd all bloody talk to each other instead of pretending we don't feel shit sometimes. We're all in this together ya know?" Oli just sighs, looking down.

That's when Joe leans up and wraps his arm around Oli and rests his head on his shoulder. And he doesn't really know what he's doing. It's something he would never normally do. Especially with the lads back home. They'd all laugh at him and pushs his arm away, calling him a softy as if that's a bad thing. But lately he doesn't really know what crosses the friendship lines. He thinks maybe Caspar never knew they even existed. But It's nice and Oli's warm and he thinks Oli could use the comfort. He knows he really could on those days where he just really feels down. And Oli's a good friend. And if anyone deserves Joe's rare uncomfortable affection It's Oli, although this isn't exactly uncomfortable. He thinks maybe it's the alcohol.

"C'mon, mate. Let's get something to eat and go to bed before you get all sappy." Joe stands up and walks off to the kitchen.

When Oli finally shows up in the kitchen, Joe is making them something on the stove. And Oli is thankful as his stomach lets out a hungry growl. 

"Grilled cheese, mate. I can't bloody wait." Joe waved the spatula toward the stove, smiling. He must be just as hungry as Oli.

"Yessss. Thanks buddy." Oli sat on a bar stool, beside the kitchen island.

Joe just hummed and flipped the grilled cheeses over.

 

*

 

And that's when it happened. When they were finished with their sandwiches and were heading to bed. 

"Joe." Oli almost whispered

Joe grunted in question unaware of Oli's seriousness.

"I want you to know I care about you, buddy. A lot." Oli said leaning against the door frame as Joe stumbled, while putting his water bottle down on his night stand.

"I care about you too, buddy." Joe turned to Oli, giving him a hazy look, hoping he's okay. "You alright?" He questioned.

"Yeah. I just...." Oli looked drunker than he did an hour before and Joe just felt sleepy.

Joe just crossed the room to hug him. "You're alright buddy." 

Oli just wrapped his arms tightly around Joe and Joe seemed to sink into him more, as if he wanted to be that close. And that's when Oli kissed Joe's forehead. Confused, Joe looked up at Oli. This wasn't normal. Joe may be tired and still very drunk but he was aware how intimate this suddenly felt. How bare and vulnerable he felt. And he wonders if that was Oli's intention. He's not really sure, and he's not really sure why he's staring up into Oli's eyes, but n this moment it feels right, like he's asking secret questions through eye contact. And he guesses he can't really be surprised when Oli leans close to his face. testing the boundaries. And Joe thinks maybe this is the time where he should pull away and blame it on the alcohol in the morning, but he just can't find it in him to do that right now. Not when he feels this intense connection, not when he feels this good wrapped up in someones hold. And then It's to late. Oli closes the space between them and gently kisses Joe's mouth. Joe can only close his eyes, hoping to get rid of all his panicking thoughts. Oli leans back and then kisses Joe again. Only this time Joe kisses back so softly, he's not even sure he did it. But Oli must've felt it, as he pulled Joe's lower body closer. Joe can definitely say he's sure this is crossing some sort of friendship line. But he can't bring himself to care. He's peacefully drunk and Oli is kissing him hard now. And Joe can taste the sweetness of the mixed drink Oli was drinking earlier. Joe kisses him back softly licking into Oli's mouth. But It turns rough and sensual now. And Joe thinks maybe this is how it' supposed to be. Hard and quick and not thought about. Just something fun. Something to not feel alone for one night. But then Joe is being backed up until he falls back onto the bed and Oli leans down with him, settling his leg in between Joe's, and kisses him softer now. 

"Joe, I'm really drunk." 

"Yeah. me too." 

And Oli kissed him shamelessly, sloppy and passionately. Joe could feel the warmth spread throughout his body. He could feel Oli growing harder in between them and wondered what this was leading to. Then the jolt of panic rushed through him and he swallowed it down, in fear of being asked and having to talk about it. Joe made himself relax, and run a hand through Oli's fluffy hair. And Oli dipped his head into Joe's necks and gently sucked a mark there. Joe couldn't help but throw his head back and try to muffle back a moan. and that's when he felt Oli very softly grind his hips against him. Joe quickly realized how hard he was as well and felt slightly embarrassed, but leaned up and lightly grinding back, fearing of looking to desperate. Oli just wrapped an arm underneath him and pulled Joe against himself, grinding against him more rough this time, dropping his head in pleasure. Joe just held onto Oli's shirt needing some of grounding.  And then Oli rubbed against Joe just right, earning them both a loud moan. 

"Oh god, Oli." Joe pants, his eyebrows are scrunched in pleasure. "Feels really good."

"Yeah." Oli breaths into Joe's ear. Speeding up the thrusts as it starts to feel better and better. Oli know's Joe's close. He can feel him quivering with every thrust and he's struggling to keep his moans in. And he's fisting Oli's hair a lot harder than before. Oli feeling like he's going to burst but he needs to take care of Joe first. 

"'m gonna.." Oli breathes. "Need to get you off first." Oli stops grinding, starting to kiss down Joe's neck and chest. 

"Oliii," Joe is breathless and leans up, reaching for Oli's head stopping him. 

"What?" Oli's eyes are blown out. Eyes heavy lidded and his hair is sticking out in every direction.

"I uh- I'm... You don't have to uh..." Joe's brain is cloudy and he can't figure out a proper sentence.

"I want to, But I won't if...you...uh don't want me to?" Oli looked like a sad half drunk puppy.

"'m just......scared... I guess." Joe admits looking like he wants to hide.

Oli just smiles. "I'll stop whenever you tell me to, alright?"

Joe nods and Oli pushed him back down, running his hands down his chest stopping at his jeans, flipping the buttons open, and unzipping them, exposing Joe in his black boxer briefs. He's still so hard and Oli can feel himself salivating, preparing himself for what he's about to do. Joe is panting now in anticipation. Oli can feel his eyes on him, as he hooks his fingers in Joe's boxers and slowly drags them down, freeing Joe's very hard cock. It's thick and full and pink. He's got a wet bead of cum spilling out, begging to be relieved. Oli wraps his thick fingers around Joe's cock and squeezes lightly and pulls on him with intention. Joe moans and spreads his legs more. Oli starts to pump quicker and watches and Joe completely writhes in bliss. Oli twisted his wrist a bit and had Joe choke on his own breath. He was completely losing it now, his toes were curling in, his fist gripped Oli's hair so tightly he thinks he might be bald by the end of it. Oli knew he was close.

"Oli, fuck. M'.....mmm' close, mate." Joe moaned out. leaning up and falling back down when Oli changed his technique.

Joe was just straining unfinished praises together now. He wasn't making any sense but Oli understood. 

"Oliiiiiiii" Joe breathed out just before his head fell back, his stomach clenched and his body stilled, cumming all over his stomach. Joe's body seemed to completely melt into the bed as the exhaustion settled in. Joe sighed as he looked down at Oli who was wiping him clean with a towel.

"What about you?" Joe croaked out after a heated minute.

"I'm alright, mate." And that's when the awkwardness begun

Joe just blinked up at him, not knowing what to say, what to do. How is this supposed to go now? Where did all of this leave them? Joe was completely frozen in shock now. Everything that just happened finally settling into his bones, and Joe needed to escape this panic. But It was late, and his body felt like jello and he needed to sleep.

 

 

*

 

In the morning Oli wasn't beside him when he woke up and he was thankful for that. Just as the memory reentered his brain. reminding him that last night actually happened, Caspar came in to wake him up. Today was their last day in Leeds and they'll have to be up at 4 am to catch their flight tomorrow morning. He'll just have to get through today and he'll be free of any awkwardness and he'll be able to go back to hiding in his room.  _Thank Jesus_ Joe thought. 

"C'mon! Tonight's our last night Joe! We have to go out tonight! Get up!" Caspar yelled excitedly.

"Yeah, yeah! I'm bloody awake!" Joe yelled throwing the blanket over his face.

When he walks out into the main room, hoping Oli is willing to pretend it never happened as well, he's surprised to see he isn't there. Joe mentally relaxes, running his hand through his hair, and goes to get himself a glass of water. It's going to be a long bloody day.

 

*

 

About 8:30 and everyone is in their rooms getting ready. Oli is still sitting in the main room, where he's been since he got back with food for everyone this afternoon. Joe is grabbing a towel out of their linen closet outside of the bathroom when Oli yells for him.  _oh god...._ Joe is frozen.

"Yeah?"

"Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"I'm getting a shower. After?"

"Alright."

It was to simple. They didn't even look at each other. No jokes, no teasing. Joe hoped to get this conversation over with so everything can go back to normal.

 

*

 

When Joe got out of the shower, Caspar was running around his room tearing everything apart. 

"What the bloody hell are you doing?" Joe yelled.

"Joeeee, I can't find any shirts to wear. All your's are to small."

"And whats wrong with your shirts then?" Joe huffed

"There all wrinkled."Caspar whined. "Joeeeeee, you have to come out with me to find a shirt."

"No, I've got to get ready, Caspar!"

"Joeeeeeee." Caspar continued to whine. "Pleaseeeee?"

And that's when Joe realized it was the perfect out. He wouldn't have time to talk to Oli if he went out with Caspar.

"Jesus, Caspar. Let me get some bloody clothes on." Joe said grouchily.

It was always an act. He liked pretending everyone was annoying when he really just enjoyed their efforts. Caspar whooed and sat back on the bed waiting for him to get dressed. When they both were ready to go, Joe met Oli's eyes when he told him and Josh they'd be back before they were ready to leave.

"Right then." Oli didn't look to pleased, a little pissed off if Joe wasn't mistaken. 

Joe figured it was nothing. He'd understand. They didn't need to talk for everything to go back to normal right?

 

*

 

Joe avoided Oli the entire night. Even when they got back to their cabin and had to share the same room. Joe just came back and immediately went to sleep, not bothering to pack for the flight in a few hours. He just tucked himself into the bed making himself as small as possible hoping Oli just wouldn't notice him.

"Nice, mate. You're a real dick head." Oli said, shutting the bathroom door rather loudly after seeing Joe 'fake sleeping'.

And that's why Oli slept on the couch that night. And when Joe woke up an hour later to pack, he pushed down the guilt and pretended everything was normal. He just wanted to run away forever. He couldn't wait to get back to London, and lay in his nice comforting bed, where he can avoid everyone and everything. He just wished Oli could pretend it didn't happen like him, instead of wanting to talk about it, and making everything awkward. 

 

*

 

The drive to the airport was beyond awkward. Luckily he thinks Caspar and Josh are way to tired to notice the tension between Oli and himself. Joe will just be happy to be away from Oli for a while. He can't take this anxiety. 

"Everyone has their passport right?" Oli asks

"Yeah." Caspar and Josh answer after looking in their hands for it. Joe just nods, looking out the window. This is bloody painful.

"Right. Well, when we get back I need to stop 'round yours, Caspar, to grab my ipod."

Caspar just nods, laying his head on Joe's shoulder. It's a rush of comfort Joe feels. He needs a nice friendly cuddle right about now. 

 

*

 

When Joe, Caspar, Oli and Josh get back to the apartment Joe couldn't be happier. He missed his xbox, and computer and his bloody bed for Christ's sake. And he couldn't wait to take a shower.

Oli didn't stay long, he grabbed his ipod from the counter and disappeared behind the door, saying his goodbyes, to walk back to his apartment. Joe's shoulders slummed as he walked back to his room and grabbed some fresh clothes. He needed the hottest shower ever right now, he wanted to just wash away the entire trip. Unfortunately, that won't work.

When Joe got out of the shower, Caspar was laying on his stomach in Joe's bed, with his phone in hand. 

"What are you doing, mate?" Joe was wiping water out of his ears.

Caspar rolled over to look at the soaked mess above him.

"Why were you acting so weird last night and on the flight home?" Caspar asked seriously.

"Just tired, Caspar. I want to sleep, so can you get in your bloody bed, and out of mine?" Joe pulled a sweater over his head, and sat on his bed. 

Caspar sighed. "This is getting fucking old." Caspar stormed out. 

Joe only melted into his bed, hoping to fall into the deepest sleep. Until his phone went off, scaring him awake.

Mate, I want to talk to you. - Oli

Joe stared at his phone, not wanting to deal with this.

Come over tonight. - Joe

Caspar and Josh are going out. We can have a bloody talk. - Joe

Right. See you then. - Oli

 

*

 

But Joe's decided to go out as well, and he's staring at his phone now wondering how he should tell Oli. He knows he's going out to just put off the talk, but he's going to make a fun night out of it anyway. He's not even going to get all dressed up. A nice pair of joggers and a graphic-t will do.

"Please don't go crazy tonight." Caspar

"Can't make any promises, mate." Joe huffs rudely

"What the fuck is up with you?!" Caspar yells. "And don't give me anymore bullshit excuses."

"I've got a lot of shit going on, alright?!" Joe yells back

"Like what? We just got back from Holiday!" Caspar is pissed.

"Mate, I don't want to fucking talk about it. It's none of your fucking business." Joe yells. 

"Fine. But I'm not bailing you out of jail tonight when you start acting like a prick." Caspar says fake-calmly as he passes Joe and heads upstairs to wait for Josh.

 

*

 

Joe is plastered. That was actually the plan tonight. He needed to get absolutely off his face. He needed to forget. He hoped he got so drunk tonight that'd he'd do something smart like drown himself, or set himself on fire. Caspar is across the bar not sparing him any looks, and that's all Josh has been doing since they got there. He's giving him sympathetic looks like he wishes he could help. That only makes him drink more. Joe isn't being physically destructive tonight, only mentally destructive, but to himself. He finds girl after girl, kissing them, and then eventually insulting them someway or another.

"You're such a fuckin' slag," And he laughs when she almost snaps her head looking at him. "Just kissing any guy that looks at you. You don't even know me."

"Lucky me." She says, as she walks off to the bathroom.

He only laughs, sadly. pretending to be this asshole guy he wants to be. Just for the sake of not caring about anything anymore. So he orders another drink and watches everyone around the bar.He spots Caspar and Josh from a distance. They're having a good time, laughing and chatting up some girls they met up with. Joe wishes he could go back to before all this sadness started. Before all the confusion, before all the anger. It didn't take long for Caspar to come over to order a drink and Joe just awkwardly sat there pretending to not see him. Caspar just snidely smirked and walked off with his drink.

Sorry. drunk. tomorrow - Joe

He almost forgot to text him.

Forget it. - Oli

Come to the pub - Joe

Nah. I'm alright mate. - Oli

Please Oli? - Joe

Joe stared at his phone, hoping. He needed him tonight, weird awkwardness aside. He needed a friend. And then Joe's phone rang.

"Ello?" Joe answered, not drunk enough to sound sloppy.

"Are you drunk, mate?" 

"Not yet. Getting there."

"Right." Oli said. "I guess I'll meet you tomorrow then."

"Oli, wait. I need you buddy." Joe admitted.

"I don't want to talk while you're drunk."

"We don't have to talk. I just need my friend tonight. Please, Oli?" Joe almost sounded like he was begging.

Oli just sighed.

"Alright. Where at?"

"I'm at Mick's pub. Caspar and Josh are here too but they're ignoring me."

"Why are they ignoring you? what'd you do this time, mate?"

"Dunno. See you in ten?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks, Oli." 

Joe put his phone away and went outside to smoke. He hasn't had a cigarette since before the night they left. And it felt good. He inhaled the thick smoke and let it burn his throat. He only does this when he's drinking, but he thinks maybe it's not such a bad habit. It helps him clear his mind and relax. He doesn't worry about anything. If he wasn't out here smoking, he'd be inside, bouncing his leg, waiting for Oli to walk through the door. The air is cold and Joe can't help but feel like the alcohol is just starting to take effect. He head is dizzy and he keeps smoking cigarette after cigarette. But Oli shows up not to long after the seventh one, but whos counting?

"Mate, get the fucking thing out of your mouth." Oli says walking up to him.

"Oliiiii" Joe shouts, deeply.

Okay maybe he's drunker than he thought.

"C'mon mate. I need a drink to deal with you." Oli says walking into the pub.

Joe laughs flicking the bud out into the street.

It felt....normal.

 

*

 

 Joe finds himself keeping very close to Oli. He doesn't know whether it's the alcohol or the fact that he's sad and Caspar and Josh have abandoned him. But Oli is a savior. It's like he completely changes Joe's mood. He feels none of the worry or the angst he felt just an hour ago. He's just having fun. They're playing pool against two girls who keep beating them. And Oli is very determined to beat them.

"Mate, if you try any harder, you're going to nail someone in the head with the bloody Q ball." Joe laughs

"M' not. Watch this." Oli chuckles along.

And Oli does. He really fucking hits someone in the head. Luckily it was a very drunk and forgiving lady who kindly hugged him in forgiveness.

"Alright. that's enough pool for me!" Oli laughed.

"M getting another drink. You want one?" Oli offered

"Yeah, a gin and tonic, please?" Joe asked sitting down on the nearest table and chairs.

Oli goes to get their drinks while Joe is sat there seeming to have a mental meltdown. He doesn't know what brought it on but he feels like he needs to cry. But he doesn't, he chokes it down and when Oli brings them their drinks, he laughs at the big big beer Oli bought for himself.

"Oli, I'm pretty freaking wasted right now but I think I wanna talk." Joe blurted out.

"Wha'? Now? I've just ordered bloody drinks." Oli laughs as if just the vague mention doesn't make him nervous.

"Whenever we've finished." Joe says glancing around. "I think we should leave first though."

"Yeah, right." Oli chugs about half his pint, and laughs at himself because he can't finish it.

"Alright, mate. Bloody hell." Joe laughs with him. 

 

*

 

They end up in Oli's flat, deciding its the safest place without anyone turning up and interrupting them. Joe isn't even nervous. He's pretty drunk and he couldn't care less at this point. What's there to lose?

"First off, I'm sorry, mate. I'm so drunk right now. I really don't know what I'm saying but I'm just going to say what I feel and hope I don't regret it tomorrow."

"We don't have to talk, Joe. We can just watch a movie and talk tomorrow. I don't want you to feel like you have to."

"Quit being so bloody nice, Oli."

"I'm just saying, buddy."

And then Joe slowly stepped toward Oli, watching his reaction as he slowly leans in and presses his soft lips to Oli's. He snakes his hands around his neck, and up into his hair, gripping it tightly, licking into Oli's mouth. Oli kisses back softly, trying to slow him down even more.

 

"Joe, I don't think we should-"

"Oli, I want you to...." Joe rushed out, only stopping when his own thoughts scared him. Hoping Oli wouldn't question him.

Oli pulled back looking into Joe's grey glistening eyes, seeing a very lost and confused boy. 

"Joe-"

"Oli, I want you to....I want us to....I need to know what it's like"

"You're drunk, Joe. I'm drunk. I don't think-"

"Please?" Joe quietly begged into Oli's ear as if someone would hear. And he rutted up into Oli's hips, trying to encourage him. Oli wrapped a hand around Joe's neck and pulled him in softly, licking into his mouth, trying to soothe the confused lad. Joe sighed happily into his mouth and then dipped his head back when Oli started sucking wet marks onto Joe's neck. Joe isn't sure if this is what he should be doing. But he needed to get it out of his system. It's all he thought about from the second he woke up the night after they hooked up. Joe couldn't get it out of his fucking mind and It was driving him mad. But here they were now, and now Oli had Joe pinned against his bedroom door slowly grinding against him. More meaningful, and drawn out than before.

"Oli, I want you to make me feel good."

"I'm gonna make you feel good, Joe." Oli's voice was rough and lust-filled.

"Don't let me run in the morning."

"Please don't try."

And then Joe kissed him rough and soft at the same time, as if to tell him something. Joe isn't really sure what. So Oli leaned down and wrapped his hands around the back of Joe's thighs and lifted him, taking him to his bed. Joe leaned back on his elbows as Oli met him for another deep kiss. Oli's lips are so warm and soft and welcoming, and Joe thinks this isn't so terrifying. Oli pushes Joe down against the bed and slyly slots himself in between Joe's legs. Joe reaches for Oli's shirt to take it off.

"Wait, I want to leave it on." Oli says.

"What? Why?" Joe breathes out

"I'm insecure about it."

"I've seen you without a shirt hundreds of times."

"This is different."

And that's when Joe realizes they're really doing this. His head is dizzy and he make's himself not care this time.

"Oli, I think you're bloody cute without a shirt." Joe admits, trying to sound manly, which doesn't work.

"Shut up." And Oli blushes.

"Cmon, mate. I'm insecure about me legs."

"You have nice legs."

"And you have a cute stomach" Joe whispers "and it's quite comfortable to lay on."

"Thankssss" Oli laughs

"I'm not that drunk anymore."

"Me either." Oli realizes. "Do you still...?"

"Yeah" Joe says, glancing at Oli's mouth. 

"We're going to have to talk about this is the morning." Oli says 

"Just kiss me, Oli. You bloody idiot."

And Joe wraps his legs around Oli's waist, as Oli grinds down. 

"This might hurt ya know?" Oli admits.

"Yeah." Joe gulps down looking down nervously.

Oli kisses Joe and starts unbuttoning his jeans. Kissing down his neck as he slides his jeans over his feet. Joe just watches Oli admire his body. But he couldn't take it anymore, he felt like squirming. So he leaned up, and pulled Oli's shirt over his head, kissing his chest, and looking up at him when Oli ran his hands down Joe's back. 

"M' gonna have to stretch you?"

"What?" Joe blurted

"Ya know... so it doesn't hurt as much."

"Uhm.." Joe looks around feeling nervous.

"We don't have to-" Oli says.

"No. s'alright." Joe lies

Joe kisses him nervously. 

"Are you sure?"

Joe just nodded, not really knowing if he was.

Oli pushes him back and leans over to his bedside table and reaches into his drawer to grab his lube. Joe just gulped and ran a nervous hand through his hair. Oli hooked his fingers in Joe's boxers and pulled them down over his legs, and Joe nervously closed his legs. Oli ran a hand up his thigh, resting just where his cock sat half hard. Oli leaned up and kissed Joe until he relaxed back into the pillow. Joe watched as Oli opened the cap to the lube and poured some into the pads of his fingers. Joe's chest felt tight and he was so nervous he could feel himself start to sweat. But them Oli wrapped his wet palm around Joe's cock and started rubbing him, up and down. Joe felt the jolt of pleasure course through him, and his head fell back into the pillow, and he thrusted up into Oli's hand. Then he felt Oli's cold hand push his hip back down onto the bed, as he started to pump quicker. Joe already felt like he was going to cum, it felt _so bloody good._  

Oli reached for the lube once again and poured more onto his hand, this time reaching down in between Joe's cheeks. Joe gasped at the coldness.

"Relax. You have to relax"

"Have you done this before, Oli?" Joe wondered

"No." Oli stated. "But I uh....I've watched a fair amount of porn."

Joe just stayed quiet, having so many questions, but not wanting to ruin this.

And then Joe felt Oli's finger slowly sink into him, feeling the burning sensation. He grasped the bed, hoping that it's would go away soon enough. Joe clutched onto Oli's shoulder and started to relax. Then Oli sank his finger all the way in and curled it, rubbing at Joe's prostate. Joe's eyes rolled in the back of his head as he groaned out the loudest moan Oli's ever heard. 

"Oh Jesus, Oli, do that again." He reached out to grab Oli's free hand, and squeezed it. 

So Oli did. He kept rubbing at Joe's prostate, as Joe wiggled around, feeling overwhelmed. Oli needed to speed this up though before he came in his own pants. So he drug his finger out and thrusted in and out. Joe hissed in discomfort and squeezed at Oli's hand.

"Keep going. Keep Going." Joe begged.

Oli added another finger and thrusted them in and out as he watched Joe struggle to keep his moans quiet. It didn't take long for him to stretch Joe out, luckily for Oli. Joe's eyebrows were scrunched in pleasure, after Oli finished rubbing at his prostate. And Oli started pouring lube onto his thick cock and Joe was tugging on his own hair in anticipation. 

"Are you sure, Joe? We can stop." Oli asked meeting Joe's eyes.

"C'mon, Oli. Just fuck me."

Joe's eyes were blown out with lust and he reached up to pull Oli down for a hot messy kiss. 

"Yeah?" Oli breathed out

"Yeah."

Oli lined himself up with Joe and gently pressed himself into the heat. Oli was so overwhelmed with the tightness and heat. He felt like he was going to cum right there. Until Joe hissed in pain, and choked down a whine. 

"You alright?" 

"Just need a minute."

Oli kissed his neck and licked soothing kisses all over him. Joe then pulled him into a wet messy kiss, telling him to keep going. So Oli pushed in slowly, watching Joe's face for any indication to stop. Joe just sank his nails into Oli's back and scratched down his sides. Oli felt himself sink all the way in, and he shivered in pleasure. He waited a beat for Joe to adjust, and then kissed him. Joe nodded as if answering Oli's unspoken question. So Oli pulled himself back and thrusted back into Joe, earning him a breathy moan. Oli swears it's the most beautiful sound he's ever heard. So he does it again, He pulls out and thrusts back in, making Joe moan even louder. 

"Oli" Joe pants

"Yeah?"

"Fuck me harder." Joe pleads shamelessly. He'll be embarrassed for it later. 

Joe grabs a fistful of Oli's hair and pulls him into his neck, as Oli starts to push himself into Joe harder. Joe's hair bouncing on the side of Oli's face, and Oli feels like he's going to explode. Joe's seems to be losing control of his body as the pleasure takes over. His arms slung around Oli's neck, pulling him in and and his raspy moan is filling the room. Joe can feel the tightening deep in his belly. 

"Oli, m' gonna cum." Joe's voice is wrecked.

"Yeah?" Oli pulls back to look at Joe.

"Oliiii" Joe's head falls back as his back arches off the bed.

Oli wraps his hand around Joe's neglected cock and tugs him until he's cumming all over the both of them. Joe threw his head back in a silent moan and gripped Oli's bicep as he hurried Oli to cum, starting to feel overly sensitive. He closed his eyes and gently nipped at Oli's shoulder as Oli spend up. And then Oli was cumming inside of him. Joe couldn't do anything for him other than hold on to him and lightly kiss his neck. Oli slowly pulls himself out of Joe's now very sore hole, and rolls over to lay onto his back.

"That was bloody amazing." Oli breaths out as their breathing starts coming back to a normal rate.

Joe just laid there in silence not knowing what to say or feel. He was terrified now, not knowing what this meant.

"Joe? You alright?" Oli asked looking over to Joe who had his hand in his hair, and his other hand resting on his lower stomach.

"I don't know." Joe croaked out, honestly. 

"Joe...I'm sorr-"

"No. It's not you."

"what d'you mean?" Oli was confused.

"I don't know what any of this means, Oli? I just don't know what the bloody hell to do now?" Joe says almost in anger-panic

"Joe. We don't have to figure everything out now. It's nearly four in the morning. Go to sleep, mate." Oli said placing a throw blanket over Joe.

"Yeah, right, _mate_." Joe said mocking Oli for calling him mate. "Like I can sleep after that." 

"Alright, well you don't have to act like a bloody prick." 

"M' sorry." Joe sighed, running a stressful hand through his hair again.

Oli placed his hand on Joe's arm, and pulled his hand away from his hair.

"You don't have to do anything on your own y'know? Even if this didn't mean anything to you, and you want to go back to normal, I'm still your mate, and I'll be here to walk with you through anything."

"Oli, I'm scared shitless."

"Me too." Oli admitted, leaning on his side and running his unsure fingers along Joe's arm.

"So are you bi? I mean did you know you've liked boys?" Joe's raspy voice was quiet.

"Yeah, I mean I've always had an idea, but I've never...." Oli looked scared as well.

"Yeah, me too."

"What? But you've always acted weird when I've flirted with you."

"Flirted with me? what?" Joe scrunched his eyebrows in confusion.

"Uh, yeah well, I thought you just weren't, ya know...whatever. So I gave up."

"You were flirting with me? What?" Joe said more so speaking his thoughts aloud.

"Not ever intentionally." Oli said

Joe raised one eyebrow.

"I mean I just never planned to. I kicked me'self in the ass every time.....You're just fit, mate."

"Oh shut uppp, Oli." Joe blushed looking away.

"Sorry." Oli laid back down and pulled the blanket up over his nakedness.

They just sat in silence for a while, taking in their own thoughts and trying to process everything, even though they were still a little tipsy and very tired.

"Can you hand me my pants?" Joe asked

Oli's heart sank and he reached for Joe's small black briefs and tossed them to him.

"Let me call you a cab then." Oli sighed 

"What?" Joe sounded wounded. "D'you want me to go?" 

"No, I thought..."

Joe just stared at him working out what he meant.

"I thought you wanted to go." Oli finished.

"No. m' to bloody tired." Joe went so soft, Oli almost didn't recognize his voice.

"Yeah, me too. You can have my bed. I'll take my sofa." Oli said grabbing for his pants, and pulling them up as he stood.

"Wait, Oli." Joe panicked

"What?"

"You don't have to..." Joe said, scared of sounding desperate.

"S' alright. Don't want to make you uncomfortable, mate."

"I want you to Oli, c'mon." Joe said patting the spot next to him, feeling even more vulnerable now than he did when Oli was inside him.

"Alright." Oli shifted his eyes nervously and laid down next to Joe not really sure how to lay, until Joe nervously took Oli's hand and pulled him against his back as he rolled onto his side. 

 Joe pulled Oli's hand close to his chest and rested his lips against it. They were cuddling and Joe has never felt so intimate. This open or vulnerable. He's cuddled with girls, sure. But this, this feels different. This feels so.... _real_. So invigorating. 

"Thanks Oli."

"For what?"

"For putting up with my shit."

"I can't wait to make fun of you in the morning for being so sweet and un-Joelike." Oli breathed down Joe's neck.

"Shut up, Oli." And Joe pulls Oli's hand up and kisses it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

In the morning, after Oli and Joe have woken up, the air was thick with tension and Joe feels a million miles away. Even though he's sitting at Oli's table eating a scramble Oli so kindly made for each of them. He's been fighting the urge to run off since the moment he woke up. He isn't really sure what to do or say. This is making him feel itchy and scared.

"So, are you just going to ignore me all morning or what?" Oli glanced at him over his coffee mug. and Joe's head hung low, but he still glanced up at Oli's sharp voice.

"M not ignoring you." Joe scrunched his eyebrows in defense, trying to hide.

"Alright." Oli eyed him and played with his food some before taking a small bite and Joe shuffled his feet awkwardly.

  
"I'm going to have to go back to my flat soon before Caspar changes the locks on me." Joe joked hoping to change the tone of the conversation.

  
"Right." Oli bitterly chuckled. "So you're going to avoid me then?"

  
"Jesus, Oli, I'm not going to bloody avoid you. I just need some fuckin' air." Joe's eyes were piercing, threatening Oli to prod him anymore.

  
Joe knew it was unfair. Knew he was being a shit, but he couldn't stop himself. He needed out. He felt like he couldn't breathe and Oli was the one suffocating him. Joe dropped his eyes and stared at his lap, hoping Oli would just leave it.

"I'm so tired of this shit, Joe. You're so...different. You just don't care about anyone anymore........Not even yourself. " Oli looked wounded but he wouldn't look at Joe now. Like he's trying to remove himself from his own thoughts.

  
"Stop trying to disect me, Oli! I'm so tired of everyone asking what's wrong! I don't know what's wrong, alright?! If you guys would piss off for one fucking minute maybe I could fucking think."

  
"Right, Go fucking think then." Oli practically slammed his empty coffee mug down on the table and stormed off into his hallway to grab Joe's coat.

  
"Yeah, right. I'll see ya' then." Joe grabbed his coat and sat down on Oli's couch to put on his shoes.

  
"Fucking prick." Joe whispered under his breath as he tied his laces. Oli was just being ridiculous. Joe forgives himself for being an arse now. He thinks Oli doesn't really deserve an apology.

  
"I'm the prick? You're the bloody knob who treats his friends like fucking tools." Oli spat.

 

"I treat my friends like tools? When have I ever done that?" Joe's face is contorted in rage.

  
"All the bloody time, mate! See! You're to far up your own ass to even notice." Oli waving his hands around trying to express all his anger in movements. Even though Joe notices that Oli looks more sad than anything now.

  
"Right. I'll be leaving now then." Joe stood from the couch and avoided Oli's gaze.

Oli walked him to the door and slammed it behind him. Joe hung his head low and walked off in the direction of his flat. Oli doesn't know what the bloody hell he's talking about. Joe never treats his friends like shit. aside from that one fight with Caspar.....and all the times Caspar has carried all his emotional baggage of pent up feelings...Joe thinks maybe Oli was right about Caspar. But Oli? When has Joe ever treated him bad? If anything Oli has gotten the lucky end of the stick.

 

 

*

 

 

Joe finally approached his apartment and jiggled his keys in the door. It was around 9:30am and as Joe got to the bottom of their stairs he realized Caspar was still asleep. Joe sighed and desided to step in the shower. He suddenly realized how dirty and filthy he felt. And Joe took a moment to really appreciate the hot water hitting the top of his head, feeling it run down the back of his neck. He ran his fingers over his wet head, swiping the water off and then wrapped his hands over his shoulders and tried to squeeze the tension out of them.

  
He realized he's been in the shower a long while when his phone buzzed with a new text. So he stepped out of the shower once he finished shampooing his hair, and towel dried himself off.

  
Where are you, dude? - Caspar

  
home. Just got out of the shower. I'll be out in a minute. - Joe

 

 

*

 

 

Caspar was still laying in bed when Joe stepped out of his room. Joe sighed and walk up and leaned against his door frame.

  
"Heyyyy." Caspar looked up from his phone. "Where were you last night? I was worried."

  
"Sorry, mate. I was with Oli." Joe mentally cringed. "I stayed around his."

  
"When did Oli come out?" Caspar looked at him in confusion.

  
"I don't know. A little after I saw you at the bar." Joe looked awkward in his tiny frame.

  
Caspar nodded not knowing what to say. Caspar's been through this enough times to know Joe doesn't deserve his apologies anymore. Joe just stood there frowning.

  
"I'm really sorry, Caspar. I've been treating you like such shit. You don't deserve that." Joe stared at the floor ashamed. He's not used to being bare and emotional. Caspar stared at him for a while, not knowing what to say.

  
"You're my best mate. And you've cleaned up my messes more times then I can even count anymore. I don't know what I'd do without you, buddy. I'm sorry I've been a fucking shit friend. It's okay if you don't forgive me. But I want you to know I really am sorry."

 

"Aweeeee budddyyyy!" Caspar leaned up and threw his blanket over his side and padded the spot next to him, reaching his arms out. "C'mereeeee"

  
Joe made his way to Caspar, falling onto Caspar and hugging him. Caspar held him tight and just layed there while Joe let himself be vulnerable.

  
"I have to get my shit together." Joe grumbled.

  
"Yeah." Caspar agreed. "But you've got your mates to be there for you." Caspar patted his back.

  
"Yeah." Joe squeezed his eyes shut, wishing last night never happened.

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

Joe spent the last month avoiding Oli at all cost and Caspar was starting to catch on that something wasn't right. Joe knew he couldn't avoid him forever, but he hoped he could until these weird feelings blew over. It's not like Oli was trying to talk to him anyway, but he suspected Oli was trying to secretly make plans with him though Caspar. Joe was thankful that he was willing to pretend nothing happened this time 'round, but he did miss hanging out with the boys together. Caspar and Oli have been going out almost every weekend, and Joe has made a promise to himself that he'd stop partying for a while. And he keeps telling himself avoiding Oli isn't the real reason.

Joe sat watching the telly when his phone rung, he checked his caller I.D, "Zoella :)"

  
"Ello, mate." Joe sounded chipper

  
"Hi, broseph!"

  
"What's going on?"

  
"Nothing much. I just wanted to see what you were doing this weekend. Alfie and I were chatting the other day and we were saying how we haven't seen you in ages. I miss you! You want to come down and stay for the weekend? I'll make ya some cookies?"

  
"Well, how the bloody hell can I say no to that? How about I get a train tomorrow morning then?"

  
"Great! I'll see ya then?"

  
"Yep! Tell Alan I'll be seeing her." Joe joked.

  
"Nala says bye! Byeeee Joe."

  
"See you tomorrow." And Joe hangs up.

  
Joe sinks into the couch and relaxes mentally. He was getting tired of making up excuses as to why he couldn't come and hang out with Caspar and Oli. It wasn't long before he dosed back off in the middle of an episode of Friends.

 

 

*

 

 

It was nearly three in the morning and Joe finally finished up his new main channel video. He closed his laptop and fell face first into his bed. Just when he was about to sleep he heard footsteps coming down the stairs, and then his bedroom door open.

  
"Jooooeeee?" Caspar was drunk. Joe just mumbled, not having the energy to say anything.

  
"Joeee, I need you." Joe rolled over on his side, with bloodshot eyes, giving Caspar his attention.

  
"What's wrong?" Joe croaked. Caspar just walked in and cuddled up to Joe's small frame, with his arm around his side and his head against his pillow.

  
"You alright?" Joe rubbed at his back.

  
"Yeah. Oli's just being a prick." Caspar sighed and all Joe smelled was pure vodka. Joe felt tense at the mention of Oli, but Caspar wanted to talk, so Joe was going to make sure he was there for him.

  
"Yeah? What happened?" Joe's head sunk back into his pillow and continued to rub at Caspar's back.

  
"He's just being a dick." Caspar was quiet for a beat. "I don't wanna tell you. You'll just get pissed."

  
"What? Why?" Joe asked in interest

  
"He's just chatting shit about you." Caspar mumbled. He sounded half asleep. Joe couldn't blame him. He did seem quite drunk. "Why are you guys fighting?"

  
"He's just being a prick. I don't know." Joe lied. He should just say. It's not like Caspar would remember in the morning anyway.

  
"Yeah." Caspar barely sounded awake at least point. So Joe thought maybe he should just let him sleep.

  
"Night, Casp." Joe said and rested his arm over Caspar's back and started to fall asleep as well.

 

 

*

 

 

  
It was 6am when Joe's alarm went off reminding he had to catch the train to Brighten in two hours. Caspar groaned beside him and covered his head.

  
"Sorry buddy." Joe's voice was raspy.

  
"What's time is it? It's not even light outside yet?" Caspar turned over to look out the window

  
"It's six. I forget to tell you, I'm staying at Zoe's this weekend. She called me up yesterday to see if I wanted to come stay. I have to catch the train at eight."

  
"Aweee. I'll miss you, buddy." Caspar rolled over and pulled Joe's stomach into a hug.

  
"I know. I've barely seen you this week." Joe patted Caspar's head.

  
"I know. We need to plan another vacation soon." Caspar yawned.

  
"Yeah." Joe wished. Everything was to awkward now. He hasn't talked to Oli in over a month, aside from the few drunk texts he received, cussing him out.

  
"Talk to Oli. He's being a prick, but I can't imagine it's only one-sided."

  
"You don't know the full story." And as soon as it came out, he wished he never said it. Joe was tired though, and at these early hours of the morning he had no filter.

  
"The full story? What do you mean?" Caspar immediately tuned in like Joe's words suddenly woken him completely up.

 

"Caspar, I really don't want to talk about it, mate." Joe hung his head and stood up to grab a towel from his desk.

  
"What? It's not like you guys like... hooked up or something?" Caspar joked. Joe froze and knew that second that he'd given himself away. Damn his instincts.

  
"No! Oh my god! Joe?" Caspar stared in shock. Joe just stood there in silence.

  
"Joe! Did you really? You're joking?" Caspar was basically yelling.

 

"Caspar, you can't say anything." Joe's voice was rough from the tightening in his throat.

  
"Joe! What the fuck!" Caspar leaned up out of bed. "Why didn't you ever tell me you were gay!"

  
"I'm not!" Joe yelled in frustration. This is not how he wanted to start his morning.

  
"So that's why you and Oli aren't talking?" Caspar tried putting the pieces together.

  
"No? That's not why." Joe rested his arse against his desk.

  
"Thats why you guys acted so weird on the way back from Leeds!" Caspar was puzzled.

  
"Caspar, calm down. It doesn't matter. We aren't friends anymore. We haven't talked in months." Joe tried not to look so sad.

  
"Joe..." Caspar stared at him. "You have to fix it. Oli is going mental."

  
"I can't. I can't face him. I wouldn't even know what to say." Joe sounded sure, even though he wasn't.

  
"Tell him what you feel."

  
"I don't know what I feel."

  
"Well, did you kiss him?"

  
"We uh... we had sex, Caspar." Joe thought he might as well spill it all. He trusted him not to say anything.

  
"What?! Joe?!" Caspar gaped at him.

  
"Yeah."

  
"Joe....Not to push labels on you, but...that's kind of gay." Caspar said softly.

  
"I'm not gay." Joe sounded defensive even though there was nothing to be ashamed of. He was just scared of the thought. It couldn't be true anyway. He fancies girls, always has. Their hair, and their thin legs, long hair, feminine eyes, and their sweet smell. Joe loved girls.

  
"I mean...you had to be attracted to Oli is someway?" Caspar said.

  
"Yeah. I don't know." Joe shook his head in embarrassment.

  
"What did you like about it?" Joe knew Caspar was just trying to help, but he also knew Caspar was being a nibby little shit.

  
"Caspar, I really can't talk about this right now. I have to catch my train in-" Joe checked his phone. "An hour! Shit! I've got to get a shower!" Joe scrambled around.

  
"We're talking about this when you get back." Caspar stated as-a-matter-of-factly.

  
"Yeah! and you better not say a word to anyone!" Joe yelled and then slammed the bathroom door behind him.   
And then he wonders how much of a shit situation he was in now that Caspar would force him to deal with the situation.

 

 

*

 

 

"Joeeee!" Zoe yelled when she saw him at the door, running in to hug him.

  
"How are ya'?"Joe smiled at her. If only she knew what kind of morning he had.

  
"I'm good. Thanks! I'm just making lunch." She said walking back to the kitchen as Joe followed.

  
"Oooo, Classic Blt, that is!" Joe watched as Zoe started cutting tomatoes up, next to the stove, which had bacon sizzling and popping on it.

  
"Yep! Alfie should be back any minute. He had to go out and grab some lettuce. We must've given the last of it to Pippin and Percy."

  
"Bloody Pippin and Percy!" Joe jokingly shook his head.

  
"How have you been? I haven't seen you in ages!" Zoe smiled at him as she placed the tomato slices on a plate.

  
"I'm alright. How are you?" Joe lied

  
"Yeah? How's Caspar and Oli? You haven't posted anything with them in a while?" Zoe looked concerned. Joe wonders if she's asked him down here to pry. But he knows better. She's his bloody sister, and he knows she's just looking out for him.

  
"They're alright. I haven't really hung out with them in a while. They've been going out without me." Joe felt like he should just share the minimum.

  
"Ahh, what shitheads." Zoe laughs.

  
"Yeah, I went crazy there for a while. Figured I needed to cleanse myself." Joe joked.

  
"Yeah right! I bet you've been ordering a cheeky dominoes every night!"

  
"It's good protein alright! You've got your pepperoni. You've got your cheese! What more could you ask for?"

  
"Quit talking shit!" Zoe giggled as she turned over the bacon.

  
Joe just laughed leaning against the counter and thought about how great it felt to be in Brighten, far away from his problems, talking shit with his sister and eating a good homemade meal. He thought maybe he'll never leave.

 

 

 

*

 

 

  
Hey - Caspar

  
What's up, Casp? - Joe

 

Do you care if I have a party here tonight? - Caspar

  
Why the bloody hell would I care? Of course you can ,Caspar! - Joe

  
Well, I wanted Oli to come over, but if you don't want him here, we can just go out? - Caspar

  
It's alright. I won't be there. Why would I care? Just don't let anyone fuck about in my room. - Joe

  
Yeah, mate! Thanks! miss you! - Caspar

  
Miss ya too! - Joe

  
Joe really does appreciate Caspar. He's been such a great friend. People really underestimate him.

 

 

 

  
*

 

 

 

"Right. So either No Strings Attached or Jumanji?" Zoe said as she covered over the tv with them in her hands.

  
"We just watched Jumanji last week with Mark!" Alfie whined from his cozy corner on the couch.

  
"No Strings Attached it is then!" Zoe called out popping the disk in the bluray player.

  
"Oh for fuck's sake." Joe whined under his breath. This is exactly the kind of movie he didn't want to see.

  
"What?" Zoe frowned. "Do you not want to watch it? We can watch something else?"

  
"No S'fine. I just caught my nail on the blanket." Joe lied. He's been doing a lot of that recently.

  
"Oooo" Zoe whined in sympathy.

  
"C'mon then." Alfie patted the space beside him for Zoe to cuddle up to him.

  
And then they all settled down and got lost in the movie. Until half an hour into it and Joe couldn't stop thinking about the party going on at his house. And the fact that Oli was taking up space in his flat. Wondering if he'd be as petty as to fuck around with his things. Joe rolled his eyes at himself. He knew better. Oli was pissed, or probably more hurt than anything, but he knows he'd never ruin any of his things.

  
He opened his twitter app to see photo after photo of the boys partying in their flat. Joe felt a ting of jealously. He missed it. He missed hanging out with Caspar and Oli, and the rest of the boys. But mostly Oli. Oli was the only one that could calm his nerves. The only one that could help him relax. Joe took that for granted. But he knows Oli fucked up too.

  
That's when he scrolled down to see a girl he follows on twitter that posted a picture of herself and Oli, with her sitting on Oli's lap. Oli's hands were wrapped around her tiny waist and resting low on her stomach, and she leaned back, kissing him on the cheek. Joe felt a sudden spell of anger. Or jealously. whatever it was, it really got to him. Because he was now on his way to the restroom to check snapchat.

  
He opened the app and scrolled immediately to Oli's name, and clicked. It was hard to make out as he assumed Oli was waving his phone around as he recorded. He only caught glimpses of Oli grinding on the girl from behind. The next bit was of Caspar yelling drunken nonsense into the phone and kissing Oli on the cheek and then spilling his drink. Joe closed the app, not being able to bare anymore. He sighed and started running cold water in the sink, and then splashing himself in the face. He hoped it would calm these weird feelings down. Why was this bothering him.

  
He returned back to the living room and settled down on the couch. Nala came over and cuddled up to Joe's side and licked his arm. Joe smiled down at her and thought maybe she's not such an annoying dog after all.

  
*

Joe woke up to the sound of his phone ringing and he blinked out the blur in his eyes to see that his phone ID read that it was Oli calling. That couldn't be right. It was nearly four in the morning.

  
"Hello?" Joe's voice croaked out. It was against his better judgment to answer. But he also wasn't sure this wasn't a dream.

  
"Jooooeeee." Oli called out

  
"Oli?" Joe knew he was drunk. He thought maybe he should hang up to stop whatever shit this call would bring, but he couldn't do it. He missed Oli's voice.

  
"Buddyyyyy. I miss you." Oli whined.

  
"Oli, you're drunk." Joe sighed feeling awkward.

  
"I'm in your room. It smells like you." Oli confessed.

  
"What?" Joe was so tired, this didn't feel real.

  
"Your room was the only room left to sleep in." Oli rambled

  
"Go to sleep Oli. You'll regret in the morning if you don't."

  
"Why did you pick up?" Oli said and then hiccuped

  
"I don't know." Joe stated confusingly. "Thought maybe something was wrong."

  
"Well, it is." Oli's voice was getting raspier.

  
"What? Well, what happened?" Joe panicked.

  
"You, Joe. You've been a bloody bastard." Oli was hardly audible and Joe knew he should've hung up.

  
"Mate. If you still want to talk in the morning, call me then. I can't talk to you while you're off your face." Joe rubbed his temples as Nala stared at him. They must've left her out of her crate so she could stay cuddled up with him.

  
"Right. I should've known."

  
"Mate, you're drunk! You aren't making any sense. If you call me tomorrow when you've sobered up, I promise we can talk." Joe was basically whining in defense.

  
"Yeah, sure. Goodbye, Joe." and then Oli hung up.

  
Joe sighed. What in the bloody hell was that all about. And what was he thinking? He shouldn't be offering Oli to talk... He was just making out with some random girl, and who knows what else. And it better have not been in his bed. He couldn't help it when his curiosity got the best of him and he had to check twitter. And all that was there were a bunch of tweets from Oli. They were all so depressing and Joe felt sudden guilt again.

  
If you remember this in the morning, I promise we can talk. I miss you too, Oli. - Joe

  
It's alright. It's not important anymore. - Oli

  
Joe's stomach dropped and he sighed in frustration. He doesn't know what to feel anymore. Was he the one in the wrong? If so, he knew at least he wasn't the only guilty one.   
Joe stood up from the couch and started towards the stairs calling over Nala to follow. He needed the comfort tonight. Zoe would just have to forgive him.

 

 

 

  
*

 

 

 

"Joe?" Zoe called from somewhere near him. "Jooooeeee?" He barely let out a humph and covered his head with the palm of his hand.

  
"Joseph? I've made some breakfast. Alfie's already eating. C'mon then." She sat down next to him.

  
"M' not hungry." He groaned, hoping she'd leave him to get some more rest.

  
"Joeee, c'mon. I made some eggs n' sausage and some American style pancakes." Her voice was so soft. Bless her.

  
"Mmm. Stop bribing me." Joe croaked out in humor, and rolled over onto his back.

  
"It's going to get cold if you wait to long. I've even cut up some fresh fruit for your pancakes."

  
"Mmmmm, I don't tell you I love you enough." Joe laughed.

  
"Love ya too." She patted his chest and stood. "But are you ill?" She joked, with her hand on her hip.

  
"Might as well be. I feel hungover." Joe leaned up and reached down to pet Nala, who seemed to have stuck with him throughout the night.

  
"You passed out bloody early last night. Alfie thought you might've died." Zoe laughed.

"Looks like Nala wanted to make sure you were alright." She smiled and leaned down to pet her.

  
"Yeah. Bloody Alan." Joe smirked at her. "She kept farting all night. Had to open the window so I wouldn't die of methane poisoning."

  
"Oh, Joe!" Zoe rolled her eyes at his dramatics. "C'mon. I'll be downstairs waiting. Hurry up. I'm starving."

  
"Yeah, yeah!" He waved her off.

  
"She's a bloody nutter, Alan." Joe stroked her ear and laughed at himself.

 

 

 

  
*

 

 

 

Joe finished breakfast with his last couple bites of Fruit and whipped cream, and leaned back in a food coma.

  
"That was so good." Alfie patted his tummy and leaned back in his chair, mirroring Joe. Joe nodded in agreement and thanked Zoe. And then they left the table just to go relax on the couch to try and recover from over-stuffing themselves.

  
"Oi, Mate. Have you talked to Oli lately?" Alfie asked Joe.

  
"Uhh, not really. Why?" Joe's throat tightened.

  
"He tweeted of bunch of sad things last night. You should see if he's alright." Alfie sounded sympathetic.

  
"We don't really talk anymore, mate. He'll be alright though. He's with Caspar." Joe tried to sound uninterested.

  
"You don't talk anymore? I thought you were best mates?" Alfie's eyebrows scrunched in confusion, while Zoe sat interested, acting like she didn't know anything.

  
"Yeah, well." Joe shrugged not knowing what to say. He felt sad though, and he hoped it wasn't showing.

  
"Mateee." Alfie shook his head. Joe really didn't understand what Alfie really meant by it.

  
"Whatever it is, I'm sure you guys will make up. Oli's a good friend, Joe. Really, you should talk to him. It sounds like he needs someone right now." Zoe chimes in calmly.

  
"I've tried." Joe said in embarrassment.

  
"You've tried? Well, why won't he talk to you?" Zoe frowned at him.

 

"I've fucked up."

 

"Well, have you apologized?" Zoe asked.

 

"Kind of...." Joe said. "Not really." He added after a beat.

  
"Well, tell him you're sorry, you bloody idiot!" Zoe exasperated.

  
"It's to late." Joe dropped his head in defeat. He hated talking about these things.

  
"It's never to late, Joe. Go on, Give him a call!" Alfie added.

  
"No, I can't." Joe said sternly.

  
"C'mon Joe. It couldn't have been that bad." Zoe looked sad for him. And it only made him feel more guilt.

  
"It is! Alright? Can we please drop it?" Joe half yelled.

  
Zoe and Alfie both shared very concerned glances and frowned at one another.

  
"Right then." Alfie fixed his beanie on his head and snapped his fingers. "We'll leave it." Alfie eyed Zoe and she nodded.

  
"What do you want to do today?" Zoe put on a fresh smile and patted his knee.

  
"'Dunno? What do you have in mind?" Joe shrugged trying to un-tense himself.

  
"How about we go to the park and toss a Frisbee? Have a picnic?" Zoes eyes glistened. That sounded wonderful right about now.

  
"Yeah. Sounds fun." Joe smiled at her and patted her knee back as he stood.

  
"I need a bloody shower first. Your guest room gets flippin' hot! I was sweatin' me balls off." Joe laughed.

 

 

 

*

 

 

When are you coming home? - Caspar

  
Not until tomorrow. why? - Joe

  
Oli wanted to stay around, but he wanted to make sure you weren't going to be here. - Caspar

  
Nah, mate. - Joe

  
Joe shook his head trying to stop it from getting to him. Oli hasn't texted him. It's not like he expected him to anyway, but he secretly hoped. And now it's around 8pm and he still hasn't gotten anything. He just wished Oli hasn't ended their texts like that. It made him feel uneasy. Oli wasn't the only one hurting. So why the bloody hell was he acting like it.

  
Alright. love you! - Caspar

  
Love ya too. - Joe

  
Bloody Caspar. He's got a heart of gold. Joe envied his ability to walk around with his heart on his sleeve.  
Joe was now sat in the Imax Cinema with Zoe and Alfie, not really paying any attention. It wasn't boring or anything. He just couldn't focus. He kept thinking about what Oli said last night. He was sleeping in his bed? It smelled like him? And he missed him? Why couldn't he sleep in Caspar's bed and Caspar could've slept in his? He was so confused. What were Oli's intentions when he had called? It didn't really matter. It probably meant nothing anyway. Oli was drunk and just didn't know what he was doing.   
Joe knew he'd regret this later but he couldn't stop himself. He had to text Oli, even if he was going to feel like a fucking loser.

  
Do remember calling me the other night? - Joe

  
Just bits. - Oli

  
He was going to make this complicated. Joe grit his teeth and forced himself to text him back anyway.

  
Will you stop being a bloody prick? I don't even know why you're mad. - Joe

  
And you never bothered to ask before. Why now? - Oli

  
I'm sorry, Oli. Can we just talk? I miss you 'round - Joe

  
But Oli never texted back and that only pissed Joe off more. He sat back in his seat and tried focusing on the movie.

 

 

 

  
*

 

 

 

  
Joe was now sat in Zoe's guest room bed, laying there in thought. He's been trying to sleep for three hours now with no luck. He's tossed and turned about a hundred times now and he didn't have Nala to accompany him tonight.

  
Hey - Joe

  
Hey buddy. - Caspar

  
Can you talk to Oli? He won't speak to me.. - Joe

  
He's here now. But he hasn't told me anything that's happened? How am I meant to talk to him? - Caspar

  
I don't know... - Joe

  
Just tell him I'm really am sorry. But he's being a fucking twat. - Joe

  
I'll leave that last bit out, right? lol - Caspar

  
Yeah. lol Thanks buddy. - Joe

  
I'll see you tomorrow? - Joe

  
Yeah. I'm going to Marcus's tomorrow to film around four though. - Caspar

  
I should be back before then. Love you buddy. - Joe

  
Love you too. - Caspar

  
Joe dropped his phone to his side and ran his fingers through his hair. The stress was starting to get to him. This was ridiculous.

 

 

 

  
*

 

 

 

  
The morning came quicker than Joe wanted because when he finally woke up he felt like he hadn't slept at all. It looked dark out still and he wondered if any time has even past at all. But Zoe came in, with Nala darting past her and jumping on the bed, jumping onto Joe and licking him on the face.

  
"Good morning!" Zoe sung

  
"Ahh bloody Nala." Joe whined "What time is it?"

  
"About 9." Zoe layed down next to Joe. "How are you? You seemed upset last night."

  
"Yeah. I'm alright." Joe blinked a million times trying to feel awake. "I tried talking to Oli last night."

  
"Yeah?"

  
"Yeah. He's still bloody pissed." Joe's voice was deeper than normal. Due to his lack of sleep.

  
"What did you do?" Zoe was insisting now. "You know you can tell me anything, Joe."

  
"I can't, Zoe." Joe shut his eyes in sadness. He didn't want her to feel untrustworthy. That wasn't it. She just sighed and started to rub his back. Joe felt like the bed was sucking him into a fluffy cloud as he relaxed.

  
"We slept together." Joe said flat out. And Zoe just gasped, her hand frozen on his back.

  
"What?" Zoe said after a while. She was probably trying to process it.

  
"We messed around a bit, slept together. Fucked everything up, didn't I?" Joe grasped his face and tried to hide away in his own hands.

  
"Oh joe." And Zoe leaned down and hugged Joe's back hoping to take away his troubles.

  
"I can't believe...." Zoe seemed dumbfounded.

  
"Me neither." Joe groaned.

  
"I still love you the same, ya know." Zoe assured him. "And mum and dad too. Nothing will change."

  
"I'm not gay." Joe felt like it was the millionth time he's had to say it.

  
"That's okay. Whatever you are, we love you." She kissed his temple and Joe felt the warmth spread to his heart. He really loved her. He couldn't ask for a better sister.

  
"I've never fancied a mate before." Joe turned to her now. "Except Oli. I still fancy girls though."

  
"Maybe your bi? Or maybe straight with an exception? It's whatever you feel Joe. You don't need labels."

  
"Yeah. I dunno. I think I just need to talk to him." Joe sighed heavily.

  
"I think so too. Just keep trying. Oli's to good of a friend to lose." Zoe wrapped her tiny hand around Joe's arm and gave him a comforting squeeze.

  
"Yeah. Maybe I'll text him. See if he will meet me tonight."

  
"Yeah. Good idea." She smiled. "C'mon I made french toast this morning."

  
"You're the best."

 

 

 

*

 

 

  
It was around 12:30 when Joe got back home. The apartment was an absolute mess but he wouldn't dare to think about cleaning right now. His eyes were heavy and bloodyshot, and his body felt like total shit. He drug himself down the stairs and opened his bedroom door to find Oli sleeping in his bed. He flicked the light on impulse and Oli stired then opened his eyes to see Joe standing in the doorway. They both were frozen, not knowing what to do or say.

  
"Sorry. Caspar told me I could sleep in here last night. didn't know you'd be here so early. I'll be leaving." Oli flipped the covers off him and started looking for his pants.

  
"It's almost 1 o'clock." Was all Joe could say.

  
"Right. Wont happen again." Oli's face looked different. Joe missed it.

  
"Oli, wait. Can we talk?" Joe almost sounded like he was begging. But at this point he might as well. Oli won't give it up.

  
"It's to late to talk, mate." Oli said as he started pulling up his pants.

  
"Oli." Joe said trying to come across as demanding, but failing. "Please?"

  
Oli just looked up at him. His eyes were sharp and angry. "No, Joe."

  
"Piss off, Oli! I'm not the only one that's been a twat." Joe waved his hands toward Oli.

  
"Me? What the bloody hell have I done? I've done nothing, Joe. All I've done was try and help you. And you've been such a shit friend." Oli yelled in anger. "Running away from me and pretending like nothing happened. "

  
"You told me to get out of your house? What was I supposed to do then?" Joe's eyebrows in a frown.

  
"It doesn't matter. I've got to get home." Oli darted toward him, to get through the door. Joe stuck his arm out to block him from leaving.

"Oli, stop!" Joe yelled in desperation.

  
"Fuck off, Joe! Let me through!" Oli pushed him to get him to move.

  
"Oli, you're being a fucking idiot! Just listen to me!" Joe yelled.

  
Oli pushed him against his wardrobe and stalked off towards the stairs. Joe then ran after him and placed both of his palms against Oli's back and pushed him with force, blasting him forward, making him fall against the stairs, and busting his lip. That's when Oli turned around and punched Joe right in the jaw, causing him to stumble back and cup his face. Joe stared at him with shock in his eyes, and stomped toward him, scrunching Oli's shirt up in his fist.

  
"If you ever want to fix this, this is you're last fucking chance. Cause I swear to god, If you leave right now, after that, we will never be fucking friends again."

  
And even with all his anger and adrenaline coursing through him, he couldn't help but feel small and broken. Until Oli stared back at him with the same look in his eyes. Like he regretted everything too.

  
"You left, Joe." Oli looked him in the eyes and frowned. "You left both times. You used me and didn't care. You've been avoiding me for months without a care. Why should I forgive you now?"

  
"Because you left me too. I was scared... to face my feelings, not you. But you just stopped trying and you started telling everyone you hated me and that I was a shit person. And maybe I am, but I didn't expect you to be the first one to give up. You kicked me out of your apartment the morning after. How was I supposed to sort myself after that? I didn't know what I was supposed to say or do, and you just.....kicked me out."

  
Joes head hung and he felt absolutely pathetic. Like a wounded animal begging for someone to love him. He hated talking about his feelings. He didn't feel this weak when he kept this all in. Why did he now?

  
"Joe. I thought you were running from me like you did the first time." Oli's voice was softer now but still held anger. "I was just trying to beat you to the chase."

  
"Yeah...well, you beat me." Joe frowned. "Literally." As he pointed to his face.

  
"You pushed me." Oli said wiping the blood from his lip. "Slit my bloody lip." Joe just looked up at him though his hair, head still hung low.

  
"Right. Well, I guess I better let you go home then. Sorry about your lip." Joe said sadly, running his hair through his hair, pushing it away from his face.   
"Sorry about your jaw." Joe just nodded and stared as Oli stood there looking at him.

  
"Bloody hell." Oli sighed and walked toward Joe and took hold of his face.  Joe stood there looking up at Oli's bloody lip, trying to pretend he didn't know what Oli was about to do.

  
"I'm a bloody mess. Aren't I?" Joe frowned.

  
"Yeah. S'alright though." Oli stroked Joe's lip with his thumb unsure if he should be doing this or not. "I'm a mess as well."

  
And then Oli leaned in and kissed Joe softly on his puffy lips. It was slow and careful. It felt like they were both trying to prove something, like this was important and special. It meant something this time and I think that's just what Joe was afraid of before. But he's not now. He's ready to embrace it. He felt warm and safe wrapped up in Oli's strong arms. This felt right and he was happy he was actually sober for this. He was finally able to really appreciate it.   
Oli backed him up against his wardrobe, and nestled his leg in between Joe's and Joe was kissing back harder now, trying to show him how much he cared all this time.  
Oli started to lead him back to the bed and he pushed Joe back down on it. He settled in between Joe's thighs and wasted no time. He was rubbing himself against Joe and tasting his sweet wet mouth. Joe was half hard now and Oli could feel himself already fully hard.

  
"What do you want?" Oli asked as he started kissing Joe's neck, leaving little love bits.

  
"You." Joe whispered as his skin tingled under Oli's teeth.

  
"Where do you want me?" Oli gently bit down on his sensitive spot. Joe just whimpered out in pleasure.

  
"Ollliii." Joe whined and wrapped his legs around Oli's waist and pulled him against his hardness.

  
"Do you want it?" Oli asked.

  
"Yeah, Oli. C'mon." And then Joe rutted up into him, sending shocks of pleasure to his groin.

  
"Say it. I want to hear it." Oli whispered hotly into his ear, making Joe shiver.

  
"Ahhh, fuck Oli." Joe breathed feeling overwhelmed already. "Please."

  
"Say it." Oli nipped Joe's ear and suck a hot nibble on his lobe.

  
"Fuck me, Oli." Joe gripped his hair. "Fuck me, please."

  
Oli leaned up and kissed Joe softly on the mouth. Joe was already a wreck and he knew he wouldn't last long.   
"Oli, I'm sorry for everything." Joe doesn't know where that came from but he felt the strong urge to say it. Oli stopped kissing him to look into his eyes.

  
"S' okay. I'm sorry too." Oli kissed his forehead, and Joe felt very warm.

  
Joe leaned up and kissed Oli with admiration. He really did love this bloody idiot. Oli leaned up and started to untie Joe's sweats and he pulled them down over his hips. Joe's cock was very hard now and was trying to break free of his boxer-briefs. Oli pulled his shorts down in one go and threw them to the ground, pressing himself back against Joe.   
Joe ran his hands up Oli's back hoping that he'd take the hint to take off his shirt. And he did without a word, and Joe smiled to himself, knowing Oli was still comfortable enough with him, even after everything. Joe leaned up and kissed his shoulder and bit down when Oli grinded down on him just right.

  
"Do you have any lube?" Oli asked breathlessly

  
"Yeah. Top drawer."

  
Oli reached over and opened the drawer to grab the bottle of lube. He snapped open the top and poured some onto his hand and wrapped it around his now free'd cock. Joe reached down and started to pull his boxers off when Oli climbed back in between his legs.

  
"I'm ready." Joe said

  
"What? You don't want me to stretch you?" Oli looked worried.

  
"I uh... I should still be stretched out from this morning." Joe said in embarrassment.

  
"You fingered yourself at you're sister's?" Oli whisper-yelled

  
Joe laughed in embarrassment and his cheeks turned red.

  
"Wow. alright then." Oli laughed and leaned down to kiss him.

  
There was a sheet a glistening sweat forming on Joe's flushed face and he needed to get off before he burst. Oli reached down and lined himself up with Joe's still semi-sore hole and gently pushed himself in. Joe clenched in fear and held his breath. Oli kissed his mouth as Joe just breathed through the pain.

  
"You alright?" Oli questioned.

  
"Yeah. Just stings a little." Joe panted.

  
"We should've tried to stretch you." Oli looked sorry.

  
"S' alright, Oli. Just keep going. It's starting to feel better." Joe ran his fingers up Oli's neck into his hair.

  
Oli pushed in further til the hilt and waited for Joe to adjust. And when Joe nodded Oli pulled out and slowly pushed back in, trying to hit Joe's sweet spot. And he thinks he succeeded when Joe lets a out sweet hum. Oli started to thrust a little faster and Joe was starting to pant.

  
"It feels so good, Oli. Keep going." Joe praised him

  
"Yeah?" Oli huffed as his thrusts were getting harder and faster and you could hear the wet sounds echoing off the walls.

  
"Yeah, Oli. Oh god." Joe reached down to wrap a hand around himself and started to pump.

  
His whimpers turned into shameless moaning and Oli knew Joe was close. Joe started to tremble now and Oli could feel him clenching around his cock.

  
"Oli, m' gonna..." Joe was breathless. "I'm gonna cum."

  
Oli spread up his thrusts and aimed his cock at Joe's prostate, hitting it over and over. Joe threw his head back and his body started to tense and his stomach tightened as he shot cum all over his stomach. Oli was so close he couldn't feel his toes. Joe just stroked Oli's arm, helping him along as the aftershocks took over his body. Oli was now pumping rapidly and panting sharp breaths as he got closer.

  
"C'mon love." Joe kissed shoulder.

  
Oli's body clenched as he pushed himself all the way in Joe's warmth and came. Oli dropped his head down next to Joe's and tried to regain his breath. Joe's body was still shivering from his orgasm.

  
"That was so bloody good." Oli huffed out.

  
"Yeah. That was amazing." Joe's voice was now rough and he suddenly felt a million times more tired than he did on the train on the way home this morning.

  
Oli pulled out and then cuddled down against Joe. It fell silent and Joe started to scratch Oli's back. Oli sighed in comfort and leaned up to kiss Joe on the cheek.

  
"I need sleep, Oli. I'm knackered." Joe breathed out. "Stay with me?"

  
Oli smiled at him and pushed the hair out of his face.

  
"Yeah. I could use some more sleep myself."

  
"You aren't going to leave me are ya?" Joe joked

  
"I'm not Joe Sugg." Oli retorted.

  
Joe smacked him on the back and leaned up to kiss him.

  
"Don't be a prick." Joe laughed

  
Oli just kissed him and then layed his head on Joe's chest. Joe started to run his hands through Oli's hair and they both relaxed into a deep comfort.

  
"And we can talk about everything later. But let's get some bloody sleep first." Joe said peacefully.

  
"Alright. We have all the time in the world to figure it out. We don't need to scare ourselves." Oli added. Probably more-so on Joe's behalf.

  
"I know. I know. I'm a bloody idiot. Night Oli." And then Joe kissed the top of Oli's head.

  
"Goodnight Joe."

  
And that's when Joe's phone dinged.

  
"Damn it." Joe reached over to look at his phone.

 

I knew you guys would make up. :) - Caspar

  
ps. I knew you were bottomed! - Caspar

 

"Oh for fuck's sake!" Joe sighed.

  
"What?" Oli looked up at him

  
Joe just showed him the texts.

  
"You told Caspar? What the hell?"

  
"I didn't mean to! He forced me." Joe chuckled.

  
"The bastard! All that time I was talking shit, he bloody knew!" Oli half-yelled.

  
"You're the bastard! You were talking shit about me!"

  
"I wasn't. I was just pissed you weren't talking to me."

  
"Whatever. I don't really care. We're good now. Right?" Joe was still petting his head.

  
"Yeah, mate. Really good."

  
Oli kissed his bare chest and then they both fell into a deep sleep.   
Things were about to change, and Joe was nervous, but he knew he had Oli and Caspar by his side. He'd sort himself out, and if that meant getting to kiss Oli anytime he wanted, he was more than okay with it.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it!   
> Please leave a comment and let me know what you think. :)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry this was a bit messy. I can be inconsistent sometimes.  
> I didn't have anyone to proof read for me, so I apologize for any mistakes.  
> I tried but I hope you like it.  
> If you'd like for me to write more on this, I have an open mind. Leave me some comments letting me know what you think, please? :)
> 
> xoxo


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